How I Freaked Out Right Before Giving My TEDx Talk

Picture Credit: Tammy McConaty

Check out my TEDx talk by clicking here.

This is Episode 10 in my TEDx journey series. In case you missed them, here are the previous entries:
Episode 1: My Secret to Becoming a TEDx Speaker: The Event Theme
Episode 2: How I Became a TEDx Speaker: Getting The Acceptance Letter
Episode 3: Why I Hated My First TEDx Talk Draft: What Was Missing
Episode 4: Why My Second TEDx Draft Was Worse Than The First
Episode 5: My TEDx Draft 3: Even Worse than Versions 1 and 2
Episode 6: My TEDx Draft 4: How I Completely Overhauled My Talk
Episode 7: How to Write a TEDx Talk You’re Proud Of: The Final Draft
Episode 8: How I Rehearsed (Unconventionally) For My TEDx Talk
Episode 9: What to Do The Day Before Your TEDx Talk: Master the Venue

These are comments I’ve recently gotten from viewers of my TEDx talk:

“Love your calm stage presence and charisma”
“You were so calm and composed. I wish I could be like that”
“Really admire the calmness and confidence in your voice”

I’m including these here because the truth is quite the opposite.

5 seconds before getting up on the TEDx stage I was experiencing the worst explosion of nerves in my entire public speaking career.

The only reason I was able to get up and give a semblance of calm was because I applied every single public speaking technique I’ll be overviewing with you today:

I was the very first TEDx speaker, at the very first TEDx Logan Circle event ever.

That meant I could. not. mess. up.

To ensure I went in with sound mind, I made my morning as stress-free as possible:

1. I ate at home instead of going to the event’s breakfast

I wanted to make sure I had all my favorite things, and not eat anything different that might trigger future … bathroom consequences.

2. I showed up early to the venue to set up my tech and do hair and makeup (for the first time in my life)

Getting things done very early ensured I’d have enough time to decompress before my talk.

3. To successfully decompress, I went into hiding

As an introvert, I wanted to exert minimal social muscle before my big debut and hid in a quiet room to do last minute run-throughs of the talk outline in my head.

Then at 9:45 am the event began

I got mic’d up and waited in the tech check area as our TEDx organizer Monica gave an overview of everything to come.

As she was going through all the amazing things the audience should expect … I felt my heart starting to race. I felt my palms starting to sweat. I felt my knees shake and mind spiral into all the gazillion ways I could mess up:

“What if I don’t remember what to say?”
“What if the tech breaks?”
“What if nobody in the audience reacts?”

I’ve felt a bit nervous before all my talks, but this was something else. Because I had worked so, so hard on this with Monica and the other coaches:

“What if I couldn’t live up to their expectations?”

Suddenly I heard someone talking to me

I turned around in my half-delirious state, and 0 words were registering. Then they smiled, patted me on the shoulder, and said I was going to do great.

I don’t know who they were and I never saw them again. But in that moment I woke up, and remembered the number one tip I teach my clients:

“To do your best, you need to let go of your need to be the best”

This is the prerequisite for flow, a mental state that pro athletes, musicians, (and public speakers) experience when they give their peak performance.¹ While in flow, you become fully immersed in the task you’re facing, you lose your sense of time, and cease to worry about anything else. You know exactly what to do.

To achieve flow you need:²

To be tackling a task you deem challenging and worthwhile. (Too easy and you’re bored. Too hard and you’re stressed. Just right and you’re in the sweet spot).
To be tackling a task with a clear goal, in which you can receive immediate feedback (if you don’t know how to succeed, you won’t know how to act).
To be fully focused on executing the task, not the outcome of it (if you’re distracted thinking about how people will feel and whether you’ll succeed, your brain is not fully immersed in executing the task at hand).

5 seconds before going up on stage I was the complete opposite of flow

I saw an excessively difficult task ahead of me, I was unclear how to succeed, and I was thinking about the future instead of being in the present.

It’s only when I started to close my eyes, take deep breaths, and focus my mind on the what-now instead of the what-ifs, that I slowly began to find my center.

I reminded myself that this task was challenging and worthwhile, but not outside my skill.
I had rehearsed for months. I knew every single word and gesture. I had done so many other longer, harder talks before.
And I reminded myself that the goal of public speaking is not to be perfect, but to give a clear message.

Rather than fixating on every little detail and worrying about how good my YouTube recording was going to be, I just needed to focus – at every moment – on giving the audience a good, clear experience.

Suddenly I heard my name

I was being introduced. It was time for me to go on stage.

I walked with as much confidence as I could and turned to face the crowd. I saw the sea of faces.

I paused for a few seconds to quell my shaking knees, and when I was ready, said my first line:

“This is going to be the most boring start to a TEDx talk you’ve ever heard”.

A laugh bubbled up from the audience and I smiled. It was going to be ok.

From that point forward, I lost my sense of time, I stopped worrying about the future, and I was solely focused on moving through the talk my muscles knew so well. I was finally in flow.

Coming up next in the series is Episode 11: “The Gamble I Took With My TEDx Opening Story”...

Before getting to the end of the series, you can also check out the TEDx talk below!